I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
