Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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