I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
