My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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