The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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