shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What drink are we having for lunch?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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