i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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