i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
