so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize