I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize