i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
