her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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