I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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