I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
pop tarts are not kleenex
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
