i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
