i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
