Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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