please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
