hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
