trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Someone signed my nipple.
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