Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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