We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
