Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize