I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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