he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
