and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I would ride that face into the sunset
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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