you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
