yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
