I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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