Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
