all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
