he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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