I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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