Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Shittttttt.

(734): View more from Michigan

Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol

(1-204): View more from Manitoba

you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on

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(360): View more from Washington

I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.

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