What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
