it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
