sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
