It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wish there were birth control emojis
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
