you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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