Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
