I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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