Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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