He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
