my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
