perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
