Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
