he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
