in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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