remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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