im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
