i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
