He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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