hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
