it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
