is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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