how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
