..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you never un-have a 4some
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
