Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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