So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
