So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
