You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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