Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
