I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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