Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
